Theodore roosevelt, as told by his son desperate for his approval
This diary is the personal property of Kermit Roosevelt, second son of President Theodore Roosevelt. Not like he would notice.
DEAR DIARY,
Dad blew me off. Again. All I’m saying is, I’ve been trying to play a game of catch with this guy for YEARS, but noooo, he’s too busy “running the country.” So many excuses.
DEAR DIARY,
I’m convinced that every time I’m not asking my dad to play catch, I’m sick. Does he care when I’m sick? No. Unless I’m a trust he needs to bust, a national park he needs to preserve, or his first son Theodore Roosevelt Jr., he’s not interested in what I have to say.
I just have to keep studying. If I work hard, I’ll be successful. That’s what Dad always says, anyway. He’s going to have to notice me eventually.
DEAR DIARY,
Got into Harvard today. Dad said “That’s nice, Kurt.” My name’s not even Kurt! None of our names are Kurt!
It’s unbelievable. Just because my brother Teddy got into Harvard before I did, it’s much less of an accomplishment when I do it. Dad didn’t even look up from his book about moose when I told him. I’m going to show him, I swear.
DEAR DIARY,
It’s been a while since I’ve written. I was on a year-long expedition with Dad, but he told me not to bring my notebook. Apparently he wanted to “bond” with me. And he did. I think.
Sometimes, he let me (ME!) lead the way in the expedition! Sure, one time it was into a hornets nest, but he let me take charge. And even better? He almost said he was proud of me. He got a little distracted by a jaguar, which is fair. But he was thinking it at least a little, which is definitely something. Maybe this is the turning point in our relationship that I’m going to tell my own kids about someday.
DEAR DIARY,
I did it! Two and a half years later, after studying my ass off and skipping every party, I graduated early from the most prestigious university in the country.
Dad said, and I quote, “Cool.”
Cool? COOL?!?! I traveled with you in Africa for a YEAR. For A WHOLE 365 DAYS I was the only family member you had. And graduating from an Ivy, YOUR ALMA MATER, three semesters early only gets a one word response?
Teddy practically failed every class but you got him a nice dinner when he graduated, and all I get is a COOL?!?! Jesus Christ, what does a guy have to do to get his dad to notice him?
DEAR DIARY,
Since graduating a whole year and a half early meant absolutely nothing to my old man, I’ve decided to step up my game. I’ve joined the Boone and Crockett Club. Oh, what’s that? My dad co-founded it? I HAD NO IDEA.
Clearly my dad has no idea, either, since he hasn’t acknowledged the membership certificate I put on the fridge.
DEAR DIARY,
Guess who just got engaged? To the daughter of the Ambassador of Spain! ME!
Guess who hasn’t said anything yet? … Dad.
DEAR DIARY,
I’m done. I’m so done.
Mom said that she’s worried about Dad’s health, so that I should accompany him on his expedition to South America. Not like I’m getting married soon, or anything.
You know what? This is the LAST STRAW. I’m not going on this trip. I’m tired of sticking my neck out for my pops when he barely realizes I exist. Why doesn’t he just bring Teddy Jr.? He clearly likes him so much more, and it wouldn’t be interrupting MY wedding plans. I. am. DONE.
DEAR DIARY,
Any ideas on what to pack for a South America river excursion? … Not that I’m going or anything.